i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Randomize
