Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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