Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
