I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
