hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
