I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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