you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm at about main and main street
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
