Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
