my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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