i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
