she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
