i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
