Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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