I love black thongs
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
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