He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize