I'm so fucking centered right now
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
