It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Say something about gay babies.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
