i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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