just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
did you just send me my own nude
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Randomize
