Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
