omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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