I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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