shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
