my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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