Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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