In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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