Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
it hurts more in the daytime
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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