so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
