There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i was born a porn star she said
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize