I'm laying in your front yard are you home
she told me i tasted like america
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
