I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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