The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
