it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize