Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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