The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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