I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
