We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize