Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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