hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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