I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Randomize
