I think im going to throw up on grandma
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize