So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
