I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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