i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
