I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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