just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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