last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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