He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize