You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
