I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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