He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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