So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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