We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
