a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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