i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
