So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
If its not for food we ain't going out.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
