Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
