i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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