Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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