You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
