A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
