I just saw a hot homeless man
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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