Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
