this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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