It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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