evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Life is so much better after having sex.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
