he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
