The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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