so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
