i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
