I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
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