I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize