Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
