I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
