Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Randomize
